On Decisions

I have some decisions to make that are haunting me. Or in reality, they may be things I want to do that so far I am too chicken to do. Does that make sense? And they are only being proposed as decisions in my mind, where I am in the middle splashing about wondering WHAT to do, but I know what I want to do and am resisting it?

I don't know if it matters. Either way, I get caught up in the agony of my situation, and for too long now have been brushing it off, "I'll think about it later" and later never comes, and the frustration simply grows! It's a trap.

There was a lunar eclipse last night, Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio. This eclipse occurred in my first house. House of self. I have Saturn transiting there as well. The way I see myself is changing. The way I want to be is changing.

Taking a chance. Making a decision is about taking a chance. It's scary for someone like me, with a Taurus moon that longs for security, safety, knowing.

And I've been putting too much pressure on myself to decide. Which obviously only freezes things up. So I am trying to relax. Not forcing myself, but letting myself arrive. One layer at a time. Not everything right this instant.

I set myself a goal. By the end of August I will know. So there is time. There is time to begin to slowly uproot myself. I can't live with myself if I choose anything otherwise. The price I'm paying to not think about decisions I have to make has gotten too high.



I know this is a bit... cryptic. Sorry. :) I've been neglecting this blog so, and I've been feeling the urge to start blogging again semi-regularly.

Do you have any decisions to make? How is your process? Always happy to hear your thoughts.

the buddha moon.

Happy Sunday

Are you riding the wave? The wave of water, of Pisces, of all the Pisces in the sky, in the earth, right now. There's a full moon building, which means the moon will be in Virgo, opposing all the Pisces. Are you moving toward a resolution internally or externally? Which houses hold your Pisces and Virgo? This can give you clues to the areas of life (which the houses represent) that are being activated now.

And let's not forget Saturn in Scorpio. This is working with the Pisces, as both are water signs. What has recently come to light? Things deep within us want air now, want us to recognize them. Want our attention. We are being called to resolve these ongoing issues in our lives. We can resist but, we can try to stuff it back down, but that won't make it disappear. By now you may know where you need to dedicate your energies...

I've been having trouble blogging lately. I think all the Pisces has made it difficult for me to put some things in written word. Feeling things, but having trouble translating them. Funny, because normally for me, writing is how I best express myself. But lately I've been feeling the expression in other ways. Internally. Simply FEELING things. Letting myself feel what I feel, trying not to block them as I so often do because I fear the intensity. Again, riding the wave. 

Also, Tarot. Been sucking me in, I think something else that's been getting my attention, over blogging. And, shockingly, the spoken word. Trying to be more clear in my communications with others. Less foggy. Or maybe I'm still foggy but all the Pisces, which is foggy too, makes connecting, sharing, a little easier.

I didn't mean to write this much. I wanted to share some links and videos I've found lately that I thought others might enjoy. Please feel free to share your thoughts on the Pisces, or full moon, or whatever.

Really enjoyed his take on the current astro weather. :)

My friend Ariana's great blog about RV living (with two kids!) in the American Northwest:: nonschoolvoyager

I love her message here about finding and making some structure, consistency in your life, which I think supports the Pisces, the flowing:: moonplutoastrology

Blogger wouldn't let me embed this video, but this is a helpful, five minute meditation on connecting with your higher self's wisdom:: doreen virtue

looking downriver.

messages

A message I keep getting with Tarot is that I need to plan, visualize my goals.
Really, this is part of magic. Setting the goal, DEFINING the goal (which can prove quite difficult),
then using your resources to propel forward.

Many planets in Pisces now. Plus the moon is in Scorpio today and tomorrow.
Much of the Pisces planets are on my Jupiter. Spiritual expansion?
But Neptune's there... foggy.
Hmm.

The things I value most include my family and friends, of course.
Also, TRAVEL. Important to me. A goal. Ongoing. : )
And, Astrology (and Tarot). I really am inspired to beef up my knowledge. Make something more. Build my foundation more sturdily.

Both things seem limitless, and I think that is part of what draws me in. No upper limit. "The limit doesn't exist."


Another message I received from Tarot today was one of personal power. To be the one in charge of my emotional well-being. Not giving that power away to others.
I think this is something that a lot of sensitive types deal with, and I think, for me anyway, it has to do with my moon. My moon in Taurus, in the 8th house. I can get too invested in the feelings, emotions of others without even realizing it. This doesn't lead anywhere good.
 I've gotten this message before but not as poignant as today. It's like the card (King of Cups, reversed) was shouting at me to reign that in, bring it back. To get a handle on it, which in turn can help me move further with my goals, visualizations...

What do you think? What does your moon say?

this is what it feels like in my head today!

uranus and the hierophant

It's funny what the cards bring up. I haven't been using my new Tarot cards every day yet, but I am able to get some good sessions in on the weekends and sometimes at night during the week. I made a point to wake up earlier than usual today, to get some centering time to myself. I didn't go to bed earlier than usual last night- still stayed up late. I woke up and drank some coffee and attempted to blog but it wasn't going anywhere, so I drew a card and then decided to meditate. I'm still taking my meditation class. I still need to do at least 10 minutes a day, to get my money's worth. ;) There's only another week left anyway.

The card, by the way, was The Hierophant. It's funny because The Hierophant, in my limited knowledge, represents order in spirituality (aka religion). Learning from an old way, a tradition. Conventional. "An institutionalized way of seeking the sacred." -Biddy. Hmm.

And then there's Uranus. Basically the antithesis of The Hierophant. Individualistic, progressive, here and there and erratic and creative and even destructive. Breaking down new barriers, not exactly focused on religion or teachings of the past. Uranus is prominent in my chart. Not only that, I have been feeling the Uranian energy strongly lately. Organized religion is not, and has never, been my thing. He conjuncts my Mars in Sag, a fire sign (wicked mouth), and is currently transiting my sixth house of daily routine. In Aries. As in, what daily routine? Aries and Uranus both have to do with new, as well. A new phase of life to navigate.

Drawing The Hierophant seems to echo what I was writing about here last week. Holding onto a thread, just a thread, of this energy to help me grow and expand (Jupiter/Sag rules religion and expansion), instead of just floundering. The Hierophant stresses having a teacher, a guide, on this leg of your journey. Of course. Of course Tarot is right. Right now I do need a guide, I AM being guided to meditate every day, because otherwise I WOULD NOT DO IT. I would talk about how good it is for me and how it's something I've been meaning to do, and might even meditate for a couple minutes before passing out at night but it is not the same thing. It's not structured, it's not setting a foundation, it's nothing I can grow from. Guidance is necessary... And even if I can't always have a physical guide, being able to better direct myself.

I'm imagining The Hierophant in my 6th house now, along with Uranus. Providing an outlet, which I think, too, will help me use the Uranus energy that can be so good and so creative and so progressive, if I'm in a better place to receive it. Ya know? Instead of indulging it's lower tendencies...

Organized Spirituality meets...

Uranus, just spinning around on it's side. Doing it's own thing.

navigating daily life

Boy have I felt scattered today so far, and the past week. I'm sure lots of you feel that way too, with all the different facets of life to keep up with... jobs, other work, school, kids, families, pets, friends, relationships, keeping up with your home, travel...

AND THEN the things we value but have to squeeze in between the things listed above... writing, blogging, art, music, meditating, exercise, FUN, other endeavors, spending time in nature, spending time in the city... what have you. Let's not forget the guilt that can come with neglecting the top list for things on this one...

It feels a little overwhelming at times, right? I've been trying to get a rhythm down... not a strict schedule, but a certain... flow, to my days. Well, I guess it IS a schedule of sorts, but it's super flexible. Even though day to day can vary a lot, there are certain core things that I need to make time for every day. I am feeling the learning curve of it all, but so far it has helped, somewhat, the scattered feeling, if I can think back to my general time map of what I should be doing... it feels like work, to an extent, but GOOD work, if that makes any sense?

Today I'm a little out of it. The moon is void of course, so the moon's a little out there today too. Void of course, or VOC moon means that it's not making any aspects with any of the other planets. To me it feels almost like a free fall of sorts, unattached  It's in Gemini which can feel this way anyway, unfocused because we're trying to focus on too many things... I feel like I'm vibing with the moon. I could have slept all day, I'll tell you that right now. :) I have a certain song I've been obsessed with (I get like that with songs), and have been listening to it over and over to help me focus somewhat. Necessary when blogging or doing readings. Otherwise I get distracted by every little thing.

Second day of my meditation class. It's a challenge, for sure, for me, to meditate every day. Yesterday I did two five minute stretches. Did one ten minute session today. I started to have the thought yesterday that there's no way I will be able to do this every day... I'm too busy... but that's kind of the point... to work these things, that are important to you and beneficial and really help you to be on the path you want to be on, into your life... slowly, slowly, so it sticks...

Monday

This is super quick, just checking in- I wasn't very good at being around last week! It's a funny time of morning now, worked on a reading when I first woke up, then playtime and chores with the little one. My concentration is all but gone for the morning- I'm planning a nice session this afternoon, will finish the reading and I also have some cards to pull for people. :)

This makes me feel good. Reading charts and doing card pulls/spreads is work that I truly love, although I am just starting on the path, and am still in the learning, gathering information and synthesizing it stage... I really want this to be my career. Or, a big part of my career.

A friend and I were discussing the other day how intimate it can be to have a reading done. Having someone see your chart, or cards related to your situation, can be revealing. And sometimes I feel like I'm getting TOO intimate. Like, where's the line on what's too personal to talk about? I realized about myself as a reader that I don't want to NOT go there, ever. Honesty is important to me. I want to be real with what I see and not put up illusions... As my Astrology teacher asked this morning, about Saturn's transit and how it's affecting us, Saturn going through my first is really knocking down any illusions I had about myself... and going over my natal Pluto, much is being revealed... and this is just the beginning! How are you feeling it?

Also, Happy MLK, Jr. Day! From my facebook page, one of my favorite quotes of all time. By the way, he was a Capricorn with a Pisces moon and Taurus rising. Pisces=Vision. Capricorn=Putting in the hard work. Taurus=Not backing down!

Truth.

In search of less.

All I want to do is purge my home of things I don't need or use anymore. If I ever did at all. I just did this about a month ago, but the urge is creeping back up. The post-Christmas/birthday business. We live in a small space. Which is fine. I'm used to small spaces. :) I just don't like them to feel cramped and cluttered.

I have a nearly-empty fourth house in my chart, but right now (Capricorn/Aquarius season!), I have many transiting planets there. Cleaning house.  It feels like a cleansing on so many levels. I want to cleanse my home, my brain, my spirit. And to do that you have to go through some shit. You have to go through all the junk that isn't serving you anymore but is still hard to part with because you've had it for so long.

Capricorn wants to reach its goals, one summit at a time. Mars in Aquarius (also going through my fourth) creates the sense of urgency. Fourth house is the home, the spaces we dwell in and also the home of our souls, aka our bodies. The cusp of the fourth house is called the Imum Coeli, or IC, and I once read that this is the point where the soul enters the body. Fourth house is also feelings, emotions.

Trying to cleanse my mental states of stress that pop up. One thing that helps is, when I feel overwhelmed, is to consciously give the stressful feelings away to the universe (or deity of your choice). To get them out of your body. This is a mental/spiritual exercise but you can feel it in your body, as stress affects the body so much... Giving away the junk. This allows new things, better things, to come in. If the space is clogged up, nothing more can come in. That goes for our physical homes, too. :)

I suppose what I'm really trying to do is care for these things, my physical and spiritual homes, myself and my body, and it is somewhat foreign to me, so I need to write about it apparently! (Actually, Mercury, aka communication, is there as well so I guess I really do! haha). What needs your attention and care right now?

The Ace of Cups, my favorite of the limited number of Tarot cards I've seen so far. My understanding of the card- spiritual abundance spills over to material abundance...